As I write this, I'm sitting at home in the middle of the afternoon, because I don't have a job anymore.
I was let go in the middle of August, and, to be honest, it was a shock. I had known for some time that I didn't fit well within the organization, and had been looking at job listings for a while, but I had planned on finding another opportunity, giving notice, and doing all the things that you're supposed to do. In the meantime, I was doing my job to the best of my abilities, had received very favourable performance reviews, and wasn't getting any negative feedback or anything.
The morning that I was let go, I had just finished payroll when my boss and the head honcho walked into my office. I immediately knew it wasn't go, just because they were coming to me instead calling me downstairs.
That was my first experience with being terminated. It was handled pretty well, I was given my paperwork and details of a severance agreement were figured out, and then I bundled up my office plants and off I went.
It's taken me a little while to getting around to writing this blog entry, I think because it takes a little time to wrap your head around things. I didn't really get a solid explanation for why- it was a "business decision,"- but I suspect it has to do with fit issues, because I certainly knew it wasn't the right place for me. I've never felt such a mixture of anxiety and relief as I did then. Anxiety because oh my God, I'm unemployed, what do I do? and relief because I knew it wasn't working well and now I didn't have to go back.
It's still a bit of a struggle to deal with the fact that, even though I know it wasn't working well and I was looking to leave, I got fired. There is a stigma attached to that, and a certain amount of shame attached to admitting it, even though I have counseled others not to feel that way under similar circumstances. And, as much as I was sympathetic to others in a similar position in the past, I have more understanding now having gone through it myself, and I think it will make me a better HR professional for it.
So right now, I'm unemployed. In the past three weeks, I have reorganized my kitchen, our storage unit, and our closet, started baking my own bread, and made three kinds of preserves, in between getting rather more serious about the job hunt. I've caught up on my reading, including my issues of HBR, and been working my way through some of Khan Academy's free courses on programming and economics. While it's been great to get organized, and I'm keeping busy with no problems, I'm also hoping to be back to work soon, in a great organization that will be a much better fit for me, so wish me luck!
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