I've had a few difficult conversations this week. That's all part and parcel of life as an HR pro, and, while you do get more used to them, I don't think the tough conversations ever really get easier.
Nobody likes having the tough conversations, because we don't like making other people feel bad. No matter how important or necessary the conversation is, it's perfectly normal to look forward to an upcoming tough one with dread. It's critical, though, that you not fall into the trap of avoiding the conversation altogether. The other common trap is the one where we end up self-censoring so much that you don't actually get the intended point across.
In my experience, the best way to handle these kinds of conversations is to tackle them head on, but with some careful pre-planning. First off, take the time to go over and write down the key points of the conversation. What information is critical? Once you know what you have to say, you can plan a little about how to say it.
Don't approach the conversation in a critical manner- don't be accusatory-don't rush right into the meat of the issue. While you do want to be direct and upfront about the issues, if you approach things too directly, you dramatically increase the chances of the other party in the conversation becoming very defensive. And defensiveness doesn't listen well. There's no guaranteed way to avoid defensiveness, but approaching the topic of the conversation without placing blame can work well. So, instead of saying, "we need to talk about your issues with the dress code," you could say something like, "the company dress code is an important factor in the success of our business. I know you've signed our dress code policy, so we need to talk about why that isn't working for you."
Make sure that you listen to what the other party has to say. Try to keep an open and relaxed body posture, and bust out your active listening skills- maintain eye contact, ensure you understand by repeating key components back, and ask for clarification if you're not sure. Be sympathetic- but don't get sidetracked. Don't let other issues get brought into it- "but Lisa wears jeans when it isn't Friday!"- and make it clear that the purpose of the meeting is to resolve this one issue.
It's also very important to establish a timeline and to follow up. "I understand that you may need a little time to get yourself organized, so I expect to see you appropriately dressed by Monday." If it is a disciplinary situation rather than simple coaching, too, you need to make sure to document everything, and lay out the problem behaviour, your expectations, a timeline for improvement, and the consequences if the timeline isn't met.
When you have tough conversations, what do you find works the best?
